She’s a girl that wears flowers in her hair when it rains and scarves draped over her shoulders in summer. She would lay down on the ground to relax and say it made her feel closer to the Earth.I watched her from my car, leaning out her bedroom window to see the night time stars and drinking the rain as it fell from the sky in winter. We are perfect together, but she doesn't know me. We think the same thoughts and walk the same steps, but we've never met.
I know her routine and how she runs in the mornings. I know her eyes don't fully open until she sips her coffee, blindly reaching for the cup. I know her heart beats faster when she's waiting outside his office. I know he loves her too. He's looked in her eyes and seen the world, he's put his hands at the base of her back and smelt her hair as they hugged. He can hold her hand without asking and when he goes home, he remembers her touch. His dreams are informed by small realities that I will never know. He knows what it is to hold her.
She visits a bar in the city on Wednesdays and huddles under strangers umbrellas when it pours. I've thought of standing behind her in line, with an umbrella in hand awaiting the heavens kindness, but me, I wouldn't know what to say, if she turned around.
I've made a space for her in my life that will be forever vacant, if we never love. I carry the weight of my feelings with ever step I take, hoping each day that she might notice I'm struggling and lend me her hand, just for the rest of our lives.
But for now, I wait in the shadows thankful for every glimpse I get of her breath falling around the room as she rests and the movement of her chest, up and down, when her heart feels someone is watching.
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