It Only Takes Pennies..

She won my heart with a glance. I waited to see if the feeling would depart, like her shadow, but it never did. Every time I create a memory with someone I love, I wonder how long it will play in my mind with the others, before fracturing and hiding behind things that are less important. This carousel of thought is rather endless, it provokes anxiety because as it runs, continuously fueled by pennies of doubt, it occupies space in the loft of my mind, that is already cluttered with too much unnecessary furniture. The summer dress, was it blue? What shoes was she wearing the day that we met? The details of life's precious moments are difficult to hold, they break easily into a million little pieces and cannot be put back together. Anything that can be preserved, the gestures she would make when she was expressing an opinion that she was particularly passionate about, or the perfume she used to wear, are all that we have to cling to when a person leaves, or a moment ends. The fortunate memories that survive the hurricane of our minds are tied to branches with soft silk ribbon, that can be loosened by the wind. When they do slip free, they fall from the tree to the soft grass below and are only tended to when a stranger walks by with the same perfume, triggering us to pick up the memory and secure it to the tree once more. This uncertainty is a difficult hill to climb, the pointless prioritising of our memories is a lottery that is not controlled by us, but don't say that it is random, please don't say that.  
I have a few I would like to keep.

My Favourite Thing in the World...

The smell of a second hand book is my favourite thing in the world. The scent of nature, life, intellect and love. Holding the pages in my fingers, slowly letting them free, feeling the air brush through them like a journey from life to death. Like the touch of a mother, so comforting.

I would often wonder why people were afraid to fall in love. I would think on that when I was reading, writing, playing, sleeping and loving, all of the most important tasks. I lay down, holding the book against my chest, pressing it toward me, like a hug. I could feel my heart beat through the pages, to the other side caressing my waiting hand. It was as important as breathing.

I wondered whose heart may have beat through this book before my own and if it had made them feel more alive than ever.

Wind in the Willows

It really felt like winter today and it was colder because we were apart. The sky cried so hard that I presumed I had done something wrong. I thought about the world without you today, it seemed to match the clouds, but it felt like nothing. Sometimes it was like we were the same person, as if everything in the universe happened just so we would meet and fall in love. I never really think anyone knows this kind of feeling, only at times when I look at old people who still hold hands. They have grooves in their fingers where they fit together just right. They have spent so much time together that they don't know what it is to be without each other and when one dies, the other soon follows. Some think that's sad, but I think it's beautiful, like a flower without water, it can survive a while but it's never really itself again, then eventually it just shrivels up and turns to dust, becoming what it once was before it ever lived. When we said we would be together forever it never scared me, I was only afraid at the thought that life could have other plans. I knew though, that without you I would never want another.
I was in love with you long before this day, but I always remember it as a defining moment in my mind. My head rested on your chest, you stroked my hair as we listened to Iron and Wine ~ The Trapeze Swinger. You said you liked it because it went for almost 10 minutes, I said I liked it because it told a story. I realised how much I loved you, I cried. You didn't notice and I was happy about that, because if you had have asked me why I was crying I wouldn't have been able to speak. Maybe you did notice but just decided to say nothing. That memory is fresh in my mind like yesterdays kisses and although we have done so many things, that was my favourite.